Thursday, December 30, 2010

Epic Poetry

Roses are red,
Violets are blue
This line doesn't rhyme
This one doesn't either

For you, I promise

For you,
Pierced so rough by cupid's arrow
Trodden and hard used,
Heart hewn by dogs so shallow

I promise,
To make your joy lasting your sorrow brief,
That with time love seeps back in like a thief
To mend your heart so cleft in 'twain
I have no idea what to write that rhymes, but your priest is your main

"A sad I has one"

Didn’t think it’d hurt so bad

Didn’t think I’d cry

Didn’t think I’d hesitate

The day we said goodbye

I didn’t want to fall for you

I didn’t want to die

I didn’t want to say I do

Because I don’t believe in lies

But there are no lies when you really love

The same way there isn’t fear

But I am afraid, I’m so afraid

Of opening Aphrodite’s trove.

I didn’t want to fall for you

Though my heart said otherwise

I never wanted to say I do

Because I don’t believe in lies

I fell for you anyway you stupid bastard.

Time Machine

Time is the hours of day
 the minutes and the seconds
the paths that turn grey

Machine is the limit
the gears of war
what fears never hold, never thaws

Put us both together
and we could right all the wrongs
but now we need a time machine

to take back what was lost


The first time i saw you, i was not impressed
Just another pretty thing, all little black dressed.
So biased was my eye, i dismissed you in a look
Telling myself pfft, she's probably never read a book.

Then the second day came,
And saw i a priest t-shirt on your lithe frame
My, my, what do we have here now
Could this girl possibly play WoW?

As i went home by cab that night, (too late to take a bus)
I knew i had come upon, my succubus

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

You and I we make a pretty good pair.

This poem has a bonus orgasm sound so you can fantasise about having sex with me<3

Your male head to her, the willing female

Hard and wanting for her lips

Rubbed silver and swollen from your kisses,

She waits for you to enter her and for the charge,

the ecstasy, the electricity, oh!

Of the connection.

She waits, and gasps incoherently as you touch,

Bodies cold and hard against each other,

Emotion nonexistent, pleasure two-point-zerofold.

Your joining is perfection.

Like fluid poetry you move,

and, leaving a part of yourself within her,

your deed is done.

With a sigh that says nothing and everything,

she then declares

Device may now be removed safely.

summer, everyday

lessen the nods, may the robes no longer stifle
bleed the radio, say you won't stop.
make this tireless day, end before it begins
watch as the sun flees, like a fashion accessory
ponder your thoughts, on fields of grass
but come to no conclusion, why we couldn't make it last
beg and borrow, cheat and steal
just don't let go, when love comes through.

Monday, December 27, 2010

Reconciled with a jackal

That night beneath the howling moon

you blew my heart away.

Shotgun sawn-off, smoking,

you blew it away – the smoke.

I had a heart before it failed me,

I had one that was once true,

and yet you bared white fangs

and came upon me like a wolf.

Have I harmed you in a life long past

that you should hurt me once again?

Or is this sweet mess your heart's desire,

the half to your broken soul?

Beneath the howling moon I wailed,

I cried and sobbed and lost my faith.

And beneath the shine in your silver pelt,

you said goodbye without a kiss.


weary is, those wavering eyes
they are weary, and always bending,
watching dust against the blackest night,
in the stillest moon
just as dawn has come to pass,
a back that's bending over backwards
wearing that heart on his sleeve
those eyes waver no more, love it is.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Liz Phair - Good Love Never Dies

For the rest of my days I want you by my side
Tell me what can I say to keep you in my life
'Cause I can never relax
I've got to keep it exciting
Make it attractive
Keep it alive
Keep you coming back
I'm always so frightened you'll see through my act
When the fire is out and I've given up
You come running out, and you build it up

You tell me good love never dies
It only hurts when we burn our eyes
From staring too long at the sun
You gotta throw your hands up
And let the night come

"I like watching you out there. It's comforting."

Tell me what can I say to keep you in my life
All the words slip away when I look in your eyes
Because I can never relax
I've got to keep it exciting
Make it attractive
Keep it alive
Keep you coming back
I'm already fighting to keep what I have
When the fire is out and I've given up
You come running out, and you build it up

You tell me good love never dies
It only hurts when we burn our eyes
From staring too long at the sun
You gotta throw your hands up
And let the night come
Take your chances
And let the night come

Friday, December 24, 2010

Tangled - A Movie Review

i watched Tangled/Rapunzel today with the guys from Teamchemist and Andy Ho. it is the best movie ever, of 2010.

it was the single most life-changing experience of my life in this lifetime, watching Rapunzel with 4 other men, getting all teary-eyed when Rapunzel almost lost the love of her life.

but such is the power of this movie, that it reignited the passion to live and to love in me. i came out of the cinema with a new found belief in love, the good love, that it will, and it can prevail, irregardless of selfish old women, or greedy twins.

love is the absolute, and if you believe in love, wholeheartedly and unwavering, a happy ending is yours, for all of eternity.

"and at last i see the light."

Monday, December 20, 2010

A Poison Tree

I was angry with my friend;
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not, my wrath did grow.

And I waterd it in fears,
Night & morning with my tears:
And I sunned it with smiles,
And with soft deceitful wiles.

And it grew both day and night,
Till it bore an apple bright.
And my foe beheld it shine,
And he knew that it was mine.

And into my garden stole.
When the night had veiled the pole;
In the morning glad I see,
My foe outstretchd beneath the tree.

-William Blake

The Sound of Tilting, Part 6.

Sunday, December 19, 2010


i see you Jimmy, you're a dog from across the room. and we're not worried about starving, we have proper jobs where we behave properly in the eyes of people like you, the society, who deem it fit. our lives are a joke, all we do is expand on this idea and blow it up. not just our lives, your lives as well, we're the ones laughing the loudest. so stay neat, in that G2000 blazer, pants and shoes. you don't get to look at yourself, whoring it up on the scene, but we do. i guess, like us, you're expanding on the idea of being a slut, i respect that, in a bizarre manner. commonly misplaced feelings aren't forgotten, just tugged under your feet so you step on them everywhere. there are two things. one is that they're telling it like it is, two is i'm deaf.

Miss Fors

Miss Fors spent a large majority of her previous years on the internet as an awkward (but not fat) kid. At age 20, she evolved from a Magikarp into a Gyarados after encountering many wild Joels. She plays World of Warcraft and StarCraft II and is appreciative of a variety of games. Unfortunately all she knows of the fighting game genre is Street Fighter 4, and back down front. Oh and she once went out with a geek from RJC who spent their date playing King of Fighters.

Miss Fors is a Comms student at a shitty university and hopes to graduate soon so she can fulfill her dream of being a Pokemon Master. She enjoys writing, movies, Pokemon, zombies, makeup, food, and unlike Vx and Ore no Jonda-sama, loves dogs. Some day she is going to make a movie about dinosaurs eating hot chicks.

Team Xialan has HIRED.

Team Xialan is very please to announce that they have added a very electrocuted individual to their mad dog gang.

presenting, the third member of Team Xialan, because 3 is a magic number, our Ultra Director, Miss Fors!

(if you've been following this space, you would have known that we've got our eyes set on her for a very long time now.)

Miss Fors, the angry troll herself, Mary-Anne, will be joining us in telling it like it is, looking good and bringing the hype, so be nice to her.

lots of big plans for Team Xialan in 2011 as a Seiei Enbu. we look forward to a wholesome of fun.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Team Xialan is NOW HIRING.

That's right, with the unsuccessful over-hazing of PEIQIN, Team XL is now looking for 1 x Mary-Anne.

Interested applicants please send a pair of panties, and 1000 gold in-game to my character

Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Dylan Thomas (1914 - 1953)

Monday, December 13, 2010

For He So Loved The Queue

Claude Debussy plays away, the tightly-lipped pillow man from yesterday, a worm of sorts now. much to be abducted, but he withstood the towering pain, of a blister in the mouth, and a growth in manpower and sales. how goes he, unnoticed, baring no resemblance to the mighty rain, as he galloped through the mechanical city, with no slippers or a dollar note to spare. so serene the stupidity, of coming to a banquet with a leather suit and pants. so serene is the country we live in. that we run ourselves against walls we build, loving so hopeless, yet hoping all at the same time... longing after.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Dedication to Detonation

the people who deny Team Xialan a word of thanks, or a sniff of panties, for their dedication to detonation in the Fighting Game/Arcade scene are the same people who put stones into water and turn it black, cheat women of their 25 grand and molest children along the way.

deck my balls with jars of Brylcreem, 'tis the season to be tilting.

The Sound Of Tilting, Part 3.

The Cardigans - For What It's Worth

Merry Christmas... From Jon!

tis the season to be tilting!

amidst all the mad rush hazing and bashing, the spirit of Christmas is in the giving, and not the drinking. so my only gift for you this year is a mixtape and a card, which you will find in this YouSendIt download link (the link expires in 7 days, starting from TODAY). i hope you love the songs, and the card even more. love it so much that you would print it out and paste it on your forehead. and if you know where to find me, i'll autograph it.


Jon Lim's Christmas Mixtape Vo.1

1. Blink-182 - Happy Holidays, You Bastard
2. the brilliant green - Holidays!
3. Yeah Yeah Yeahs - All I Want For Christmas
4. Weezer - Hark The Herald Angels Sing
5. Pixies - Winterlong
6. HALCALI - スラローム'06
7. Kana Nishino - Christmas Love
8. Stars - What The Snowman Learned About Love
9. Mew - She Came Home For Christmas
10. Nana Mizuki - POWDER SNOW
11. Utada Hikaru - Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence -FYI
12. Tommy heavenly6 - I ♥ Xmas
13. Manic Street Preachers - Last Christmas (live)

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

The Hills Are Alive, With The Sound Of Tilting, Part 1.

I think we're gonna have to add an extra line to the Team Xialan manifesto soon.

Team Xialan believes in....

1) Telling it like it is

2) Looking Good

3) Bringing The Hype

And now......


Florence + The Machine - Dog Days Are Over

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Street Fighter Application For Everyday Life Lesson 2: Knockdown

in life, once you are knocked down, if your character is such that you have no good "wake-up" options (i.e LJ Pals, a bottle of Jacks, tantric sex...) to reverse the situation, you can either take a cab back, because i think you very steam, or insert another coin.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Haters Gonna Hate

This was originally a response to the thread on round1, but Sam very sneakily locked it just as i was about to post it. All i can say is.... Tekken players always like that one. I encourage everyone to go read carzy and sam's original posts, which have some very valid and solid insights. This is merely my response.

Mrmm Mrmm. Good points made by carzy and sam, will definitely take into consideration. However, a few points to note.

Technical Commentary was given, up on the main stage during the top 8. The things people were complaining about took place during either the early qualifiers, or the for fun team event / casuals. Technical Commentary is also only feasible when there's a crowd of new people / bystanders around, such as during the finals. For the most part of the three days, the only people sitting around our booth watching were our own players and there's only a certain number of times you can explain a focus attack or option select to someone who does it on a daily basis before they tell you to shut your mouth.

And while the objectives Carzy has raised (Raising the competitive level/Create awareness/Bond building) are all noble and worthy causes, i think some misunderstanding has occurred here. To put it bluntly, these are NOT my objectives when i show up for a tournament. I do not claim to speak for PR or Team XL on this, but my personal goal at every event has always been to make sure the players have a good time, and walk away with new fond memories of time spent with their friends not 'bugis players'. A goal which i believe we've achieved time and time again.

While i fully agree with the sentiment that not everyone likes our colloquial style of conversation and trash talking (nor should they blindly do so!) once again the first and foremost concern for me is that we're enjoying ourselves and having fun. So again with reference to my own objectives stated above, i have to say that changing the way we speak to create an artificially 'safe' environment with which to potentially attract new players smacks of hypocrisy to self.

Again, this is strictly my personal perspective, and as always nobody is forcing anybody to do anything. If Team XL / PR or whoever else decides to host a tournament/series/cup/whatever and asks for my help, i'll either toe the party line or decline. Do note that this isn't an attack on anyone's personal values, just an expression of my own.

Monday, November 29, 2010


shoutouts to Mary-Anne


the Singapore GameFEST is finally over.

Team Xialan was there educating (and for some, re-educating) the various gamers in Singapore from their various gaming genres, life counseling subjects like race diversity for sports in Singapore (football and basketball in question), the dressing room and docking...

we are proud of the fact that we got all you guys pumped and hyped over games your mother told you never to play, under the influence of Pitbull. like i said, an hour ago, you were probably at the Singapore GameFEST, but right now, you're at the HOTEL MOTEL HOLIDAY INN.

Team Xialan also expanded their already very diverse repertoire, Vx would have given you Taiko commentary, if his mic wasn't cut off for the 23948259286928629689626th time, lucky for me, Ore no Jonda-sama, on Day 3, i blew it up with the Jubeat guys... they loved it, i loved it as well.

this is for you, Jubeat.

and of cause, the GOH, she was blown up too.

we've got some shoutouts we want to give... the Dragonica girls with the mascots, we're glad we could do you girls a favour by getting more people to have their photos taken (it pays to be cute). shoutouts to Special Forces with the wonderful free t-shirts and light pens, really cool stuff... shoutouts to Kim from PMS* Asterisk, tolerating and playing along with our bullshit time after time. Abang DJ, shoutouts to you! for putting on that HOTEL MOTEL HOLIDAY INN upon request. shoutouts to the tiny but enthusiastic boys and girls from the Jubeat/Taiko community... shoutouts to E.Tan and Daw, the Adonis-like men from Project RAMPAGE and all our good, good friends in the Street Fighter community for coming down, playing their hearts out, and giving us a reason to blow things up.

and talking about the Street Fighter community... very good, you've successfully turned Day 2 of the Singapore GameFEST into an OktoberFEST.

we'll leave you now with one last thought, to always remember that Florence lied, when she said the dog days were over.

Dear Diary,

This weekend, many Joels interfered with my microphone and made me tilt. Also, many women wanted to have sex with me and Jon.

I am disappoint, yet somewhat joyful.

Good Night.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Street Fighter Application For Everyday Life Lesson 1: Keng (The Act of Self-Sick, Not the PC God)

By: Rchan and Ore no Jonda-sama

the 3 golden rules in Street Fighter as spoken by Grandmaster Gouki user, Momochi and also SBO Champion.

Footsies - Set Plays - Plinking

as applied in everyday life. (subject: Keng)

Footsies - spacing and timing of the Keng so as to create a more realistic relapse of medical problems.

Set Plays - mixing up your Keng so as to leave your Doctor in a 50/50 state of mind.

Plinking - Efficiency in Keng execution.

Friday, November 19, 2010

You Only Have To Stop, Bub.

we were making love on the paisley beach with the skies falling haze like a blanket. i could think of a million places to visit, a hundred and one things to eat after sex, and this whole time i had my hands on your breasts, i thought, i stopped, i thought for moving on, this is the price you get. arm in arm, legs crossed, the body leaves the sex, the love is elsewhere. on this same paisley beach, we felt a joy no orgasm could ever achieve. the loving words you spoke, my hand you held and longed to hold. my greatest fear is that you'll never be replaced, when everything reminds me of her, i need you to love me back.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Dear Diary, again.

Yesterday i was pretending on the internet minding my own business, when a wild Vx appeared on MSN and made me tilt, again. because of Christmas and NTUC.

I am disappoint.

Good Night.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Dear Diary,

Today i was walking around minding my own business, when a joel appeared and made me tilt, again.

I am disappoint.

Good Night.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Team Xialan Commentary Comeback Tour - November

you are not going to want to miss a single second with arshshshshsh Vx and the Vice Capt, Ore no Jonda-sama for the month of November. Team Xialan's got the lights like fucking dynamite. here's where you may find us.

13.11.2010 (Suntec City) -
Anime Festival Asia X with our friends from Rebel2
14.11.2010 (Suntec City) -
Anime Festival Asia X Day 2 still with out friends from Rebel2

26.11.2010 (*SCAPE) -
Singapore Game Fest Day 1 with our bangs from Project RAMPAGE
27.11.2010 (*SCAPE) -
Singapore Game Fest Day 2 still with our bangs from Project RAMPAGE
28.11.2010 (*SCAPE) -
EPIC e-Sports Convention with the same Adonis-like men from Project RAMPAGE

and you know where we'll be every other random day, running and bashing into her.

good night.

Friday, November 5, 2010

you only get one chance to stand on a platform made of rocks, with a beer in one hand, and a declaration in the other

i was a common man with a white collar and a red bow-tie, minding my own business in the caravan with a inch of salt on my back and a slab around my neck. i had wanted to there, the dessert, in search of camels, the animal, not the cigarette, to be led to a oasis, a fountain of youth, to refine my pass glories. i could have sworn i would make it back on time. but what do i have. i quit my day job as Aladdin, only to find Onyx has left his Pokeball, so you think you're some punk now la. i go to work, with my briefcase full of cash. give a minion a king's task, and i handled it with so much care. i made pigeons look like the modern day chinchilla, i was so good with what i have done. i quit my day job as a factory man, who work in a world of wild animals. offering them a home and a ring to jump over, a servitude. never once had i asked for a token, a form of gratitude, i don't even care, i just do it. i quit my day job to become a zookeeper, with monkeys as my specialty. although these days, i can't be too sure anymore. maybe i'm more adapt at rearing monkeys, but somedays, i feel like they're becoming morons. i have created a pent for monkeys to exist. to work and to play. and say thanks jon, here's a stick up your ass, you've been a great pal. i quit my day job to stomach alcohol in exchange for sleep. i wish i was back outside that bicycle shop, concussed and clueless. breathing fire down my own neck and driving poor girls to wash up after me. as i wake and go, wash up after other people's shit. i had quit my day job, to become a zookeeper, taking care of rats and monkeys who feed and spread diseases. i had cease to exist, been utterly erased, still i find no comfort in this bottle of a beast, so sang Dashboard Confessional, whom i so love, in my most dogging of days. things that were relevant 2 years ago, seem so distant now. they put an EX infront of girlfriend, when it made no sense at all. i had quit my day job, to become a zookeeper, entertaining rats and monkeys with a rubber nose and juggling bowling pins. i had build a hole for them to crawl, and put a ring up just so they could jump over. they love it. they love it so much that they walk all over me. i had quit my day job, to become a zookeeper, rearing rats and monkeys alike, so much so that i no longer can tell the difference between the other. i would love to have sex right now, with a monster girl of sorts, there are uses for people like that in the world. they are the deadweight, the punching bag, the potato sack, home with a hole. i think sex could not numb me, nothing ever can. i had quit my day job, to become a zookeeper, taking care of rats and monkeys to a point where i can no longer remember, if i ever was human at all.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Gamerbee leh.

Dear Diary,

Dear Diary,

i am very happy today.
Vx saw me and he asked me to take off my clothes. then, Ore no Jonda-sama asked me to show him my panties. i am glad :)
good night!

Dear Diary,

i am very happy today, again.
Vx saw me and he asked me to take off my clothes, again. then, Ore no Jonda-sama asked me to show him my panties, again. i am joyful :)
love and good night!

Dear Diary,

i am very sad now.
i went to Bugis and saw Vx asking another girl, to take off her clothes. then, Ore no Jonda-sama asked her to show him her panties.
i thought I'M suppose to take off my clothes and show them my panties. i am disappoint :(
good night.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Avenged Centerfold

Halloween at Iluma with Team Xialan, Rebel2 and the cast from Wah Lian.

shoutouts to Edmund Yeong taking some of the best Team Xialan pictures i've ever seen.

Sunday, October 24, 2010


yesterday, i had many a people coming up to me and telling me how they like our work or how they've seen my videos on the Tube or somewhere. we work really hard to generate funny stories faster then they actually generate the brackets, but if you people didn't come with a sense of humour, all of this would not have made any sense.

i'm enjoying the Team Xialan Commentary Comeback Tour very much.

everyone, 感謝.

everybody's beginning to remember the Vice Capt. alas, Monday awaits.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Romance of the Three Arcades

there is no greater declaration of love then an open declaration of love.

i went to solo-mid Cao Cao's gate and his gatrillions of soldiers rooted to the ground, armed with nothing but a packet of fried mushrooms and said,

"eh wu ji li lo lai, qi kua mai."

suddenly, Liu Bei sidestabs me with his Snake Pose Attack. disgruntled, he mumbles under his feathers,

"eh bang, why you never jio me go drink rice wine."

i felt sympathetic. in a way, he was like an ambassador, but my intentions were clear, as clear as the sun was hazing. i told him, straight up his armpit,

"5 days ago, i would have asked you go drink rice wine with me. but every night i think and think, how to war with Cao Cao before i go. then i got idea."

Liu Bei was very sad.

as Cao Cao looked increasingly overwhelmed by my overgrowing confidence (where is this confidence coming from?), Zhou Yu warns me of the advances of Red Hare riding Lu Bu on all fours to the battleground. he said,

"BRO. sniping come before sportsmanship, you better hurry up and promote yourself."

yes he was right. Lu Bu on Red Hare is scarier then a $10 bowl of Chai Por and rice. Lu Bu snipes everything, EVERYTHING, in his path, even Dong Zhuo.

a blind enemy approaches, waiting to fuck me right up the ass. the pillars of pillars of foot soldiers standing tall over one another, as if to say...

"ok. ok. i work."

more and more, Cao Cao seemed like an unattainable goal. all hope faded further into oblivion. i placed my hands in my face, and my head on my bended knees, adjacent to my left knee cap, with one corner of my eye focused on my right kidney, i begged the Heavens,

"BRO. give some chance la."

and as though God himself was a fan of Ore no Jonda-sama, a white piano of Debussy heritage falls from the sky, properly tuned and nightmare boosted.

i sat down for a roaring rendition of Wang Lee Hom's Forever Love. it blew Cao Cao's mind to smithereens and the oncoming Lu Bu to a inverse process of passing motion. i have done it. i have sang like king. the battle was won. all but one, all but one Joel, still standing in my way.

"hi, my name Ganesh. i come fix your telephone line."

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Team Xialan Commentary Comeback Tour - October

love Team Xialan more then anything else in the world? here's how you can catch The Boss - Vx, and Ore no Jonda-Sama in action. you are allowed to print screen and keep this event line-up for the month of October close to your breast.

23.10.2010 - SG Super Street Fighter 4 Tournament
31.10.2010 - BlazBlue Continuum Shift Halloween Tournament
every other day of October - randomly spotted running and bashing into her around rural parts of Bugis and Liang Seah Street.


Sunday, September 26, 2010

Akahoshi Memorial T-shirts

That's right folks, as promised (and spoiled for those of you who were at bugis these last few days) Rebel2 brings to you it's very own limited edition AKAHOSHI MEMORIAL T-SHIRTS.

Modeled here by the lovely luissa, these t-shirts are stylish enough to wear to your own wedding. Or in the case of kuanyi, awesome enough to scare the shit out of your mother.

Stocks are EXTREMELY limited, and since we hate lugging shit around, we're going to be putting these up for pre-orders.

Send an email to rebel2sg [at] with the title "Akahoshi Memorial T-shirt Pre-order" and state your name, nickname and preferred size.

The cost for each of these works of onanistic art is a paltry $20 if you pre-order NOW. You'll receive your shirt on tourney day, 02/10/10 once you pay up.

Sales on the day itself will set you back $25, so really. It makes no sense whatsoever not to pre-order now.

For more information, go to the Round1 Forums here!
More pictures from the photo shoot can be found at our Rebel2 Facebook page here!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Blazblue Chalet Aftermath

A fine merry old weekend of doggery it was. I basically started drinking on friday evening, and stopped on sunday morning when it was time to go home. I think this picture, and the fact that i can't for the life of me remember posing for it, says it all.

Friday, September 17, 2010


As everyone may or may not know, members of Team Xialan are teachers in their day to day lives. Jonda teaches Art, and i've recently been invited to teach Confident Speaking to primary school children. Teaching is a wonderful experience, particularly for me because my job basically entails teaching the next generation how to be Xialan.

However there are moments where a little too much Team XL spirit seeps into things, such as this particular moment during my first class last week. I was telling the kids a story about the power and limitations of self-belief. Halfway through, i lapsed into shouting MODE by accident. It went something like this:

"And then the fire CAME, and the zoo keepers were all running aROUND, but they didn't release the elephants, because they thought 'you are an elePHANT, you can just run aWAY'"

And my class stopped me and asked "Boss, boss how come the zookeeper talks so funny?"

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Maltura - Character Profile

"I cannot tickit!"

Maltura Chuasugano (麦芽ソラ チュア秀ガーノ) is a player in the Singapore Street Fighter scene. He is a 24-year-old (as of Street Fighter 4) Singaporean uniboy who has an intense fascination with Gackt. He has managed to copy and learn some of Gackt's techniques, but really wants him to train him personally.

Maltura typically fights in his running t-shirt, a FBT shorts (Ah Legs) with his Targus bag tugged underneath the cabinet. He has short black hair.

Chronologically, Maltura first appeared at Century Square, where he had begun to participate in Street Fighting tournaments after watching Gackt win a 3v3 Tournament with his girlfriend and Peihoon.

Maltura fights in an emulated version of Gackt's fighting style. He can successfully manipulate Plink and is subsequently able to perform the "Fits" energy attack (however, due to his lack of training, he cannot keep it at full length of duration like Gackt can). Unlike Gackt and other warriors from the same style, however, he can control the sound of his voice and throw larger verbal projectiles that sacrifice victory and combo execution for entertainment and laughs (all night). In the Teamchemist vs. Citibankers series, he throws his verbal projectiles directly at Seanchemist, though his "Hiyakeshita" (literally "Sunburned") version still throws them horizontally at opponents).

His other attacks include the "Shououken Smash", a version of the "Gackt Shoryu" that sees him jumping off his seat before executing the attack (weak version is very similar to a normal Shoryuken, but with an extended delay; when performed with the Fierce punch button, the attack can hit 6 times as he is running toward his opponent).

His super attacks include his own interpretations of the "GaccckkktttTTT" (the Shinkuu-Hadoken, like his regular projectile, will not cover the full length of the screen) and "GS (Gackt Sweep)"

- lifted and edited from The Street Fighter Wiki

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Blazblue CS Chalet

What's happening xialanners. After a long period of dormancy due to a variety of issues including but not limited to imbibing copious amounts of alcohol and anti-depressants i've finally come back to make my first post here. Shoutouts to Jonda the Vice-Capt for keeping the xialanning alive during my dogging.

Anyways, with the SF4 scene chilling and smoking a joint till super comes out in the arcade Team XL has been looking for new avenues to make some noise and bring the HYPE. So the next few events Team XL will be rocking up to are Blazblue Continuum Shift events. Why BB:CS you ask? Simple, because if ever there was a community in need of a Team XL makeover, it's the BB:CS community. Well, that and because i'm the one organizing the tournaments. So remember to stay tuned not only to here, but also Rebel2SG on twitter for more updates on upcoming BB:CS tournaments and news. (Hint: There's something going to happen on the 25th you heard it here first)

And on the 17th - 19th of September we have the BB:CS chalet. Team Xialan will be in attendance, to bring the hype and noise. Or more specifically Vx aka Boss will be there. So i guess Team Xia will be there. Team Lan, Jonda aka Vice-Capt will probably drop by too. All friends and fans of BlazBlue are welcome, and even friends who don't play the game are welcome to drop by and have a drink on saturday night. More details below.

Till next time xialanners,

With the success of the inaugral BlazBlue 2v2 Tournament held last month, BBSG is proud to present our next event, a fun filled community gathering held at Costa Sands Resort from the 17th of September to the 19th .
You’ve had a feel of the competitive nature of the community at the 2v2, now come experience the friendship and camaraderie. Watch Jaeshi try to shishigami ninpo the wall, watch Faylar get trolled repeatedly by Vx, watch Kuni steal every single prawn we cook! A community is only as vital as its members, so come on down and get to know your fellow players better. The organiziers for the next tournament (oh yes, it’s coming) will be there as well, so if you have any burning questions you wanted to ask but didn’t feel comfortable doing so in public, just hit up Vx or Lionel while they’re inebriated at the chalet, they might even let you in on the details for the next few tournaments.

But of course, what is a chalet of gamers without games. There’ll be nonstop playtime going on for the duration of the chalet on two consoles. Feel like you levelled up since the tournament? Weren’t able to join the tournament because you were slow? Feel like you’ve become a better troll thanks to observing Team Xialan? Come on down and show everyone what you’ve got! If enough people are staying over, we’ll conduct special event style competitions in the middle of the night, with special prizes to be awarded in various categories!
Steal, discuss and experience the best and latest strategies and combos from the veteran players, beat them and make them BBQ you a chicken WING., it’s all good. EVERYONE, especially the newer players , is encouraged to attend the BBQ on 18th Sept, where most of the community will be. Even if you can’t stay, drop by and mingle for abit, you’d be amazed at how easy it is to make friends there.
Places are limited, so register fast!

Shoutouts and special Thanks to  Kuni, Hannybaba and Jae who generously donated their time and money towards making this chalet a success.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Team Xialan Weekly Roundup: September 2010

the Team Xialan Weekly roundup.

first off, was down at the the Comex show over the weekend. the place was packed as hell, as always, but more importantly, the standard of emceeing at these events have severely deteriorated over the years. i'm very sure Team Xialan can do a better job... i'm thinking,

VX: ok right now we're about to have our hourly special on this beautiful 30 inch LCD TV.

JDA: ya. you. yes. you don't pretend, you got the TV face, i know you come here to buy TV one.

VX: that's right. all of you walk around like as if you got something more important to see at the other end, come down here and buy my TV NOW.



merchants should seriously consider.

on a separate note, i was listening to some sound files from Super Street Fighter 4, maybe we too should record some classic Team Xialan lines and release them as sound packs so maybe you folks can have really xialan ring/message tones.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Last Game then We Go

Spore quotes Jonda:
"can we just f**k the arcade and go makan proper tmr?"


Real Deal:
From my experience, Jon's statement is too bold to be accomplish. A more feasible approach is bug the hell out of everyone the moment there is full attendance.

Alternatively, do not meet anywhere with an arcade you freaking addicts.........oh the addict is me....

typical scenario
10,000 people waiting for one person
that one person's favourite phrase, "last game we go"
then in the meantime someone else will go sit down and play LOL


AND THEN! this fella see that fella last game then we go, we also go and last game then we go, then that fella see that fella see that fella last game then we go, he go change token play last 4 game then we go, then that fella see that fella change token play last 4 game with that fella see that fella last game then we go, go change 5 dollar last game then we go, see that fella change token play last 4 game then we go, then that fella see that fella last game then we go, ask his friend go change for him 4 more tokens then we go see that fella last game then we go, then his friend come and he just reach so he last game then we go, see that fella change 5 dollar last game with that fella last 4 game then we go, see that fella last game then we go, then last game want to go but here comes another last game then we go, then his friend come and change 10 dollar then we last game with that fella left 4 token last game then we go, see that fella last game with that fella, see that fella last game then we go change 4 more tokens then we go, last game, then we go see that fella last game then we go see that fella just come back from toilet last game then we go see that fella change 50 dollar last game then we go see that fella what's the word count on this, i can go on for days...

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

TVC: Teamchemist Versus Citibankers

as previously reported, Capcom was rumoured to be in the running to develop the first ever Teamchemist arcade fighting game, but it seems now that the project has fallen into their rival game developers from China, Capdog. the game in question, Teamchemist Versus Citibankers (TVC), is a 2v2 tag system arcade fighting game similar in style to familiar games such as Marvel Versus Capcom 1 and X-Men Versus Street Fighter.

Team Xialan was privileged enough to get a chance to sit down with Capdog's Community Manager and Producer, Seth Kee Lan, to talk more about Teamchemist Versus Citibankers.

tell us Seth, what drove Capdog to make such a fighting game?
well, the demand was high. and we always try to give what the fans want. Teamchemist of cause, have been like idols in the arcades, boasting such colourful characters and always spotting the highest level of fashion, we just couldn't pass out this chance.

cool. i'm a big fan of Teamchemist, so what's the roster gonna be like?
oh, all your favourite Teamchemist heroes will be there. Reset King... Seanchemist... you know, the bunch.

no Grandmasterchemist?
how could we possibly leave out Grandmasterchemist, Don the Discoverer. we've packed him in with his BOAT as well!

what about the Citibankers?
as of now, i can only reveal to you Predator Ken and Harold. we've designed all Citibankers, whether they are rushdown type, shoto type or grapple type, all Citibankers will always have a 2 direction projectile (straight and air) called the Credit Card, kind of similiar to Gambit's Cajun Strike and Gouken's EX Haodouken in Super Street Fighter 4. look out for more to be revealed in the upcoming weeks.

and for Teamchemist? what are their fighters like?
let's see... Reset King has a certain glitch in him that stops him from doing more then 2 hits in a combo, Seanchemist is unable to walk forward, unless via the Jumping Shogoku... Roy, the Straighterner, is kind of like Omega Red featuring a level 3 Tentacle Rape Ultra.

wow! that's just ultimate Teamchemist in action!
that's right... we're really looking forward to this one.

are they gonna feature alternate costumes?
yes of cause! Seanchemist's gonna have an option to switch into his Bus Conductor attire. Reset King, DJ Major Setbacks and Uncle Sagat are all able to switch into their PAF1 attire.

alright Seth, just before we go, tell us please, who is the last boss for Teamchemist Versus Citibankers?
Kara Ken.

WHAT!? no shit! Kara Ken is in the game!?
yes he is. i won't say much, except that he's equipped with a level 3 unblockable 1+(0) frame all terrain command grab ultra...

(simultaneously) "bro, i think it's best you take cab go back"

and that's all the time we have left. this is Team Xialan, feeling it with Capdog's Seth Kee Lan, signing out.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010


Chan Yong Hui / Vx

An avid gamer all his life, Vx first became serious about learning how to play the various Marvel games. However perhaps due to the fact that he was a fat and awkward kid, nobody wanted to teach him.

Happily when Marvel vs Capcom 2 was released the internet had hit a golden age, allowing for players from all over to garner advice on how to play. This coincided with the completion of his metamorphosis into the stunning looker he is today, and brought him into the merry world of competitive gaming and shit talking.

As one of the few players capable of eloquent public speaking and actually constructing grammatically correct sentences, or conversely, one of the few emcees knowledgable about video games, he has generously, through the sheer benevolence of his being volunteered his time in hosting various events at TKA Virtualand, the multi-national K.O. Episode 1 held at TGX '09 as well as the recently concluded Battle Medley Singapore 2010 and SBO Tougeki 2010 Singapore Qualifiers.

A true Chaotic Neutral, Vx is a fan of all things random and mash, as evidenced by his choice of Magneto/Sentinel/Tron in MvC2. He can often be heard before he's spotted, and is as easily identified by the constant stream of profanities and inanities coming from him as much as the grey mini-fedora he has been sporting since 2008. His proudest moments were introducing the term 'Dog' as verb, adverb, adjective and noun into bugis nomenclature, and helping to make chicken WING a sellout crowd favourite at the SBO 2010 Grand Finals.

Ore no Jonda-sama Nabeimeso Pork Floss NRVNSQR CHAOS

Jon Lim / Ore no Jonda-sama Nabeimeso Pork Floss NRVNSQR CHAOS

A boy, Jonda, X age, was found dead at the entrance of his bathroom, face down on the floor. He leaves behind nothing, not a note, just his computer turned on, navigated to a online ticketing site, he had planned to catch a afternoon movie.

The police came to a conclusion that Jonda’s death was accidental, claiming the boy came out of the shower and slipped on the floor rug. The toilet floor was indeed wet and the rug was out of place, it was a reasonable explanation. His family, knowing he was quite the klutz, decided not to pursue the matter further.

Two years later, a friend named Kyoko, who had just returned from studies aboard, hears about the shocking news and instantly visits his home. While paying her last respects in Jonda’s room, she decides to look around for a memento of sorts. Just as she leaves, she turns on his computer, for that was where most of their time was spent. Kyoko browses through his web history and through password manager, manages to excess his social networking accounts and finds a link to his online web journal…

Team Xialan

Team Xialan.

Consisting of two wildly attractive men, Team Xialan aims to be THE definitive source of fighting game commentary and video game event hosting in Singapore. Formed by players of a variety of video games, capable of switching from plinking to snapbacks, parries to dustloops, drive cancels to instant air dashes, Team Xialan commentators know their stuff.

Sick of attending events where dull and staid commentators made trite remarks showcasing their lack of knowledge for the competitions they were hosting while the audience sniggered, Team Xialan members, Vx and Jonda Nabeimeso Pork Floss NRVNSQR CHAOS, decided that they could do better. And they did.

With the hosting of numerous local and several multi-national Street Fighter tournaments at the Anime Festival Asia ’09 and TGX 2010 (The Game Xpo 2010) as well as the recently concluded Super Battle Opera Tougeki 2010 Singapore Grand Finals under their belt, Team Xialan shows up at each one handsomed up, ready to bring the hype and electrify the crowd.

Ever wished that  emcees and hosts at events would just lighten up and get that stick out of their asses?
Ever wished that gamers would put in some effort to dress up, so people would stop associating gaming with delinquency and degeneracy?

Ever wished that the crowd would get off their seats, get into the heat of things and hype it up?
Team Xialan believes in three fundamental things:

1)    Telling it like it is
2)    Looking Good
3)    Bringing the Hype

Natural extroverts, Team Xialan has no qualms about being in front of the crowd, telling them they don’t have a patriotic bone in their body if they don’t cheer for the team that’s about to represent their country. If there’s a moodkiller spoilsport in the crowd, rest assured that Team Xialan will either get him into the action, or evict him to the cheers of the crowd.

Aside from being their stunning selves Team Xialan constantly enforces an indoctrination routine of peer pressure and verbal abuse designed to make even the most decrepid of dressers ship up and reflect upon their style choice. We’re happy to report success in this regard, as evidenced by our newly reformed man, Mustapusta.

Our record speaks for itself. Every time Team Xialan has been the commentary duo at an event, the crowd gets hyped, and everyone gets into the swing of things and has a great time. From getting the crowd to chant along to combo hits to interspersing chinese and japanese commentary (always a crowd pleaser) Team Xialan brings the Hype everywhere it goes. At the recent Super Battle Opera Singapore Grand Finals, an inside joke propagated so wildly that the innocuous chicken WING. became the number one best selling item of the night.

Each and every event we go to, we generate and popularize new lingo and colloquialisms that serve to make the crowd feel like they’re part of the gang, on the inside and hip to the inside jokes, making them want to attend future events even more. We’re a friendly bunch after all, and we love making friends. Especially if they’re girls. Unless they’re ugly.


If you want someone to stand in front of your crowd, your crowd for the event that you painstakingly planned and go “hi everyone~! hehe”, get completely ignored, then mess up commentary because he thinks frame data has to do with film photography, then Team Xialan is not for you.
If you want a pair of slightly un-politically correct loudmouths well loved by the fighting game community who know the intricacies of the games in question, who will get the crowd hyped up and on their feet, who will promote the living hell out of your event while they’re coughing out blood, then we’d love to hear from you.

Love us or Hate us, drop us a mail at TeamXialan @ gmail . com