Monday, February 28, 2011


what i miss the most, are carefree times layered free of burdens and responsibilities conveniently dumped on the shoulders of a boy becoming an adult. what i miss the most, are times hanging out with real people, real friends, doing things that were meaningless, but always memorable. there was a time where we need not pretend, we need not smile like monkeys just to get through the day. we not live, to feel alive.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

leading horses to water

even in comforting walls of home, a dampened soul bounces off them manic. shivering and crying over lost limps, ripped from shoulder to shoulder in a fit of rage, singing, i'm done with english, i'm done with english under your shelter with the 17 ways you've already identified are problematic roots, suffering whilst harvesting, we don't remove the problem, we grow with it.

i'm tired of trying.

you amass your stupidity to forgive a cheating bastard who hasn't done jackshit for you, yet lack the compassion to let me pass.

you like it. this self-pity, feeling worthless and helpless and long suffering version of yourself. loving mules. you like it. you like the world to see how self-sacrificing you can be. true grace.

i'm tired of trying, i say this with clenched fist, i'm tired of trying.

"these are feelings that can't be help." these are feelings for the handicap.

Friday, February 18, 2011

why girls are attracted to Jackshit

from the very beginning man has been hitting woman over the head with a big club and dragging her back to the cave for sexing. this is true even today except that instead of beating the woman over the head the man is just a jackshit to her and she falls in love with him and dogs like there is no tomorrow.

but you shouldn't worry because the only sort of girl who would STAY with a jackshit in the long term isn't someone you'd want to date. girls stay with jackshits for a few reasons - they know the jackshit needs them and they like feeling needed; they are worried they can't find any better; they are scared of being alone. at the end of the day do you really want a girl to stay with you because she is scared of being alone?

girls date jackshits and they marry nice guys, end of story. those that end up marrying jackshits suffer. so do yourself a favour and stop dogging over the girls who dog over jackshits.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Girls are attracted to Jackshit.

the night's never complete without a little brick and batter with one's plight and demise. pulling off hair while staying awake and hungry, there truly is no cure to stupidity. it's tiring on the body, hammering it with feelings of faith and vindication. the old fuckers have been too old, it's about time they died. with their parting words on a foaming mouth, they mumbled, "love is blind." you should shut your mouth, love being blind doesn't permit us to fall in love blindly, or delude ourselves with a false pretext of love. in fact, you take upon all that pain and evil and recognize it as love, what gives? this is the grave. this is us, just standing there. let us, tired hearts, stand there and tire no more. this is you, "in love with the idea of love."

Wednesday, February 9, 2011



Team Xialan is locked and loaded and ready to rock the socks of whatever floats your boat!
see you this saturday, at Colosseum, Iluma, 12th of February, 1500 Hours!

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

hides my face

can't help falling
faster than i can imagine
can't help feeling
said sadly, chasing after nothing

get enough
can't get enough
i can't
get enough

this is the story
of the dog and me
of how we chewed on ladybugs
and slept in trees

this is the story
of the dog on the other side of the glass
cowering in pity,
longing for his master's touch

i won't help the others
to think in this belief
for the walls have all come down
and the love i've felt, feeds me, sends me

away i am, a spirited being.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Paper and Dream

i've just watched the latest episode of Bakuman, a Manga/Anime based on 2 high-schoolers who want to become Manga Pros.

i too had that dream once, when i was very young, just like them, i would lie on my belly and draw for hours and hours a day... drawing pictures of my favourite comics like Dragon Ball and Spider-Man.

because in my family, i never had the luxury of buying toys every other day or week, or owning the latest video games. what my mother could buy for me everyday, were sketchbooks and pencils, and i never once complained. it was always such a great feeling, to create a world, an expression or an adventure with just a piece of paper and a pencil, it was a joy i could not find in anything else.

by the age of 9 or 10, i was drawing out my own Names (full chapters with dialogue boxes and panels but with rough drawings) and creating comics from my sketchbooks. i first started with a character called, Anything Man, that could, well, basically do anything. after reading Spawn, i matured alittle and went on to draw this character that was inspired by the number seven and/or the seven deadly sins. i think back, about how all these relatively great ideas came out of a little boy's mind, makes me smile and think, how much of a person i was, and how much of a person i have become.

but while i'll always encourage the chasing of dreams, i have long hidden my sketchbooks far away in my drawers and i hardly ever draw with that much enthusiasm and diligence. i am sad that i've lost that drive, and in losing so, also the joy.

if i'd went at it a little harder, i would probably have sharper skills now and could actually see out my dream. these days i can't draw long enough, or want to even start, without a valid reason or a need.

Bakuman reignited those dreams, but also the realisation that i'm so far away from what an industry would deem "good", and that while i'm still madly in love with comics and Manga, i am realistic to see, i'm just not good enough.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Year of the Dog

You fuckers better stop pretending that it's the year of the rabbit. This inferno town already built its artifact a long time ago, so it's always the year of the dog.

Don't come and pretend that you like me and want to make conversation. I don't give a shit what your kids are doing, i don't care how much money you have. But most of all don't come and look at my phone while i'm texting and pretend you can't see me typing shit about you.

Take your fake conformist traditions, take your fake family that you see only once a year, take your over-rich food that makes everyone sick the next day, take your fucking undeserving front page credit and simplistic overdone pictures and you just fuck off.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Chinese New Year, the men of past centuries were racists to begin with.

Dear Lan Lan Followers,

have yourself a merry Chinese New Year. please note that 2 of Team Xialan dislike festive seasons and thus you should never wish them a good one if you run and bash into them. for the festive seasons are always a time for vultures to hunt, and rats to surface. it is a time where we pretend the hardest, and for some, pretend the most. pretend to be so close, to be so into it and to be just so pretend. i especiallly hate louing heh. it makes no sense. in any case, i'm leaving you now, drop us some tilted comments and we could talk about how dogging this Chinese New Year is.



I'm very tired of people pretending to be my friend, of people pretending to be nice to me, of people just PRETENDING. If the world was less afraid of being honest with itself it would be a much nicer place.

I mean, why do you need to pretend. Everybody is so scared of getting lied to, of getting played out, of losing out. TMD what is this, is it a Singaporean mentality? You cannot win unless you dare to lose.

SO DON'T COME PRETEND TO ME ALREADY. I am very willing to lose everything if it means I can live my life without pretending. Maybe you'll be happier too if you tried that.

Btw happy chinese new year to everyone who celebrates it... I actually like meeting some of my relatives :D The rest I don't even pretend I like them. They can fuck off. Especially my dog faggot cousin who wants to borrow my mum's car.