Monday, February 7, 2011

Paper and Dream

i've just watched the latest episode of Bakuman, a Manga/Anime based on 2 high-schoolers who want to become Manga Pros.

i too had that dream once, when i was very young, just like them, i would lie on my belly and draw for hours and hours a day... drawing pictures of my favourite comics like Dragon Ball and Spider-Man.

because in my family, i never had the luxury of buying toys every other day or week, or owning the latest video games. what my mother could buy for me everyday, were sketchbooks and pencils, and i never once complained. it was always such a great feeling, to create a world, an expression or an adventure with just a piece of paper and a pencil, it was a joy i could not find in anything else.

by the age of 9 or 10, i was drawing out my own Names (full chapters with dialogue boxes and panels but with rough drawings) and creating comics from my sketchbooks. i first started with a character called, Anything Man, that could, well, basically do anything. after reading Spawn, i matured alittle and went on to draw this character that was inspired by the number seven and/or the seven deadly sins. i think back, about how all these relatively great ideas came out of a little boy's mind, makes me smile and think, how much of a person i was, and how much of a person i have become.

but while i'll always encourage the chasing of dreams, i have long hidden my sketchbooks far away in my drawers and i hardly ever draw with that much enthusiasm and diligence. i am sad that i've lost that drive, and in losing so, also the joy.

if i'd went at it a little harder, i would probably have sharper skills now and could actually see out my dream. these days i can't draw long enough, or want to even start, without a valid reason or a need.

Bakuman reignited those dreams, but also the realisation that i'm so far away from what an industry would deem "good", and that while i'm still madly in love with comics and Manga, i am realistic to see, i'm just not good enough.

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