Monday, March 21, 2011

Food Xialan Episode 2: In Memorium - Stupid Auntie



Maggie Thai, better known as Stupid Auntie Restaurant


To add on to Jon's excellent Food Xialan idea, this is Vx reporting back from the land of the dead and the damned (also known as Azeroth).


Known and patronised by the Bugis Marvel players on a weekly basis since we first moved to bugis in 2002, it's an oft quoted statement that we were the ones who paid for their renovations and upgrades. What started off as dinner at just another zhi char stall (JAZCS) soon became a 8 year long love-hate relationship with Stupid Auntie Zhi Char (SAZC).

Featuring legendary wait-staff such as KFC-Auntie (known as such both because of the "I'm Dead" KFC spoof t-shirt and an original Chicky Club t-shirt that she wore), Stupid Auntie truly lived up to it's name. Notable incidents include KFC-Auntie's absolute inability to get anything right. She constantly refuses to collect payment separately for multiple diners because her processing power is limited to one numerical figure at a time.

True Story, there was once two dagamers went there, ordered a $5 dish each, and tried to pay separately with a $10 note. They were soundly rejected because KFC-Auntie could not process the numbers.

And then of course there was the legendary Day of Horfun. When four dagamers went there, and tried to order their food.

Vx: "Hor fun"

Ljnel: "Jiang chong ji rou fan"

KFC-Auntie: "Okay, so hor fun liang ge"

Ljnel: "No auntie, one hor fun, one jiang chong ji rou fan"

KFC-Auntie: "OKAY OKAY"

3rd Gamer: "Jiang chong niu rou fan"

4th Gamer: "Jiang chong ji rou fan"

KFC-Auntie: "OK OK"

Vx to the rest: "Fuck all of you, you better check your orders"

to KFC-Auntie: "Auntie wo men jiao shen me"

KFC-Auntie: "WO DONG WO DONG, SHI GE HOR FUN!"

....a five minute pantomime follows, with each dagamer repeating their order multiple times, only to get rebuffed with multiple numbers of hor fun. After 5 minutes, she finally gets done writing the correct orders down.

When the food was served, GUESS WHAT. We all got fucking hor fun, because god dammit. You do not mess with KFC-Auntie when she declares National Hor Fun day.


Flash forward to 2011.

Last Friday happened to be Thambi aka Airconman aka Gamerbee's 21st birthday, so we decided to sojourn to a place of legend for dinner. Alas, as we arrived at the end of Liang Seah Street we found that Stupid Auntie was no more.

No longer were we accosted on the street as we tried to walk past, with the cries of "LIU WEN ZHENG! LIU WEN ZHENG!" Instead, we had to walk in ourselves and sit our own asses at a table. The menu wasn't on the table, nor did any slave appear to serve us. After helping myself to a menu, it took awhile for me to summon the attentions of a serving wench. Gone were the days of the various Stupid Aunties hovering over your shoulder while you looked at the menu, making inane and often nonsensical comments. Instead a pinoy/thai/vn woman appeared, and couldn't take our orders because she didn't understand what "shen mian" on the menu meant.

The food took ages to arrive, and i do mean ages. We were so tilt we ordered and finished a bottle of beer before our food appeared. The food was decidedly sub-par, which was in line with the continually dropping standard of the food there over the years. However it now lacked a certain something. Eating there no longer evoked feelings of nostalgia for dogging days gone by, memories of bugisdog birthday celebrations, of tilting and boosting. Now the bad food was just... bad.


R.I.P. Stupid Auntie Restaurant, we most certainly will not be dining there again.

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