Wednesday, December 28, 2011

nononononono - Jon vs Spanish Jon

One Christmas morning, over very expensive and uninspiring Bak Kut Teh, we met the Spanish incarnation of a Vice Capt.

The similarities were uncanny.

You see, this drunken man, crashed our breakfast table, starting off with some compliments, which is all good, until he repeats it for at least 5 times throughout his brief inception.

(To Vx) - "You have a nice hat. It is very fashion. In Spanish, we call it "Attractivo.""

(To Hui Min) - "You have very nice hair. Where are you from?"

(To Jon) - "You are a nice guy."

He even comes with self-pity and crabbing... Telling us how he's lonely in Singapore as his family is back in Spain. And also how his girlfriend had broken up with him, 2 weeks ago. His crabbing lines were quite good, and I'm sure The Crabs would nod in approval.

"You know when you break up, you always say "fuckitfuckitfuckit" but when you give your heart to a girl, you give it, and even if you say "fuckitfuckitfuckit", you still feel break."


(To Vx) - "You have a nice hat. It is very fashion. In Spanish, we call it "Attractivo.""

(To Hui Min) - "You have very nice hair. Where are you from?"

(To Jon) - "You are a nice guy."


He told us to come to lunch with him. That he would treat us to some Chorizo. While I tried my best to ignore him, he commented, while watching me use my chopsticks gracefully, that he wants to learn how to use the chopsticks too.

"You know duckenoodle? You know? Oh C'monnnnnn you don't know duckenoodle?"

(It took us awhile to figure out, beneath his thick Spanish accent, that he meant "Duck Noodles.")

(To Vx) - "You have a nice hat. It's very fashion. In Spanish, we call it "Attractivo."

(To Hui Min) - "You have very nice hair. Where are you from?

(To Jon) - "You are a nice guy."

At some point, I must have felt that he was trying to come on to Hui Min, which Vx would argue that he was actually coming on to him, because Vx says, no Man on earth would nudge and tickle another Man constantly after every sentence. 

I think it was somewhere around here (Or maybe even earlier) that he started this high pitch delirious sounding way of saying "no", very fast and many times, much to the likeness of how I would imitate Mr. Alpaca's voice. Again, the many uncanny similarities. 

(To Vx) - "You have a nice hat. It is very fashion. In Spanish, we call it "Attractivo.""

(To Hui Min) - "You have very nice hair. Where are you from?"

(To Jon) - "You are a nice guy."


So I tried to shake him off by telling him that Hui Min and I are actually a couple and we plan to get married next year. Which made him rocket off his chair into celebrations. He declared to the entire coffee shop,

"I am very happy. Because this two, are getting married, here, at this restaurant. He is a nice guy. I am very happy. I want ask you all to lunch with me. You, your hat ah, you, uh-uh and you, why you laugh? why you laugh? you must all come for lunch with me."

He added,

"When you have children? 2 things very important. Music and Sports. When I was young, I played football, and I always put up my hands and nononononono you know? the ball go pass me and I put up my hands nononononono."

Ah! Music and Sports! This is my queue! I asked,

"So what club do you support?"

Spanish Jon replied, with a glimmer on his face.

"Barcelona!"

I added,

"Ah! The Champions! Lionel Messi... Xavi Hernandez..."

Spanish Jon beamed bigger and brighter.

"Ahhh! You knows ah... He knows... He knows!"

I went on to tell him that I was a Liverpool fan. Which he said "No" , again, only this time, a little more firm. Reinforcing the fact that Barcelona are the best and the champions. But I had something to say about that...

"No no no... Liverpool beat Barcelona in the Champions League, remember? Craig Bellamy?"

*Short Pause*

"AHHHHHHHHHHH YESYESYESYESYES~!!! Hahaha... Ok guys, I'm sorry I am drunk. I will go now. You, very fashion, with the hat. You and you, I am very happy. Ok have a good night."

Vx and I...

"Alright, have fub Dude."

-

Merry Christmas and happy holidays.


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