Friday, January 20, 2012

Sniper

Somewhat still growing up in a lowly Secondary School setting filled with mongrels and pigeons, a term was coined, though it's origins remain a mystery. It's meaning was pretty straightforward.

It was a time of young love, of adolescence running wild, raging hormones you know the familiar story... Every teenager was trying to fall in love and find a partner so they could go to school together and scribble each others names on their textbook.

But that isn't even why this story is being told, you see, where I grew up, if we were interested in a particular girl and if we declared our intentions early, that girl would therefore be off limits. "Off limits" in namesake only, a girl, on the open playing field, will forever be, whether ethical or not, be subjected to the...


SLIDING TACKLE.

I hope everyone is clear up till this point. A Slide is considered underhanded, but if declared, is still somewhat admirable as it becomes more of a competition between 2 men, a war.

But Sliding, like how it is applied in a football match, also has it's vileness, in the form of a...


SLIDING TACKLE, FROM BEHIND.

This is where you Slide, as the name implies, from behind, from the shadows, from a mile away, wet or dry grass, you come sliding in, denying all accusations that YOU ARE Sliding in for the girl no no no not like that, but sssssssssssssaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh JUST SLIDE ONLY. Ok this one is sinister and often leads to 2 rival gangs fighting each other during recess or after school.

So growing up, everybody's probably had to deal with a Sliding Tackle or 2 right? Doesn't matter... We found adequate ways to deal with it and win the girl anyways, or successfully get Slided and feel fucked up about it. Never mind that... More importantly, towards the end of my mid-20s, a technology far greater and more diabolical than Sliding Tackle, From Behind was invented... It was known as...


SNIPING.

Sniping is god. It is a long range attack that doesn't require you to get yourself dirty, doesn't require you to travel, all you need is your camp spot, your gun (a 3G Smartphone would usually suffice) and you can start sniping. Unlike Sliding Tackling, where the direction is predictable, Sniping has virtually no blind spots and can be initiated from ANYWHERE.

 Lionel

No comments:

Post a Comment